Logan John Hall
With Logan's pregnancy I didn't even feel like I spent time anticipating how he would arrive until at 36 weeks old we were facing a potential C Section because Logan was still breech. It was determined that an External Cephalic Version (the doctor manually turning the baby from the outside of my stomach) would be scheduled for 37 weeks, 4 days if he hadn't turned at his ultrasound on 37, 1. As the day approached, I went through so many emotions of grief and anxiety. I felt like I had to mourn the potential loss of a vaginal birth, something I didn't even know I wanted so badly. I reached out to a few friends and loved ones who had experienced C Sections and felt so comforted and encouraged by their positive experiences and how so many of them expressed that they had still had a very special experience meeting their child and recovery wasn't as bad as they expected. Beyond the change in perspective of delivery type, I worried about having an incision and the precautions that are implemented during recovery considering we had a big move planned a week away. I didn't want to be in a new state, new house, unpacking, with two kids under three (both in diapers and cribs) and not be able to lift, pivot much, or even drive. It was very overwhelming and I felt such little control over all of it. Marshall and I did all the Spinning Baby tips, I did headstands in the pool, and spent hours sitting in positions that would encourage baby to flip. Ultimately, the day before our ultrasound my family and some dear friends held a group fast that he would flip. On that day, I felt such peace and levity, I just knew that whatever happened I would be okay and that the priority was our safety. Well the next day came, we went into our ultrasound, and the second they placed the wand on my stomach the tech smiled and said "head down!" I couldn't help, but tear up with gratitude. I knew it would've been okay if he was breech, but God had answered our prayers and I was able to anticipate a vaginal delivery.As the weeks progressed, Marshall moved over to Wyoming into our new home to start his job. He was living about 4 hours away and Haven and I were spending the weeks of summer playing at the splash pad, eating popsicles, going to lunch in the park, swimming at the pool, and soaking in a shortened summer. We decided to set an induction date for a time my doctor would be on call so we could ensure Marshall would be there for delivery and we had someone lined up to care for Haven. There were a couple days in the week of delivery that I thought I was going into labor, and despite how uncomfortable was, I know it was an answer to prayers for me to make it to my induction so everything could go smoothly and scheduled.
The day of my induction Haven and I went to our community Free Lunch in the Park for the last time with a big group of friends. Haven and I left quickly afterward to go pick out treats and head to the movie theater. We saw Toy Story 4 and she was enamored with the big screen and unlimited popcorn. I just soaked in those last moments of it just being the two of us. I can't even think about it without turning into a puddle. Haven made me a mom, she has been my buddy for over two years, I have traveled to the other side of the world and back with her. I know giving her a sibling is one of the best things I can do for her, but I knew things would change. For those moments I just let the tears run in a dark theater and held her close, offering prayers of gratitude for our time together and prayers of guidance as I help her through the transitions. After the movie, my mom arrived from Utah and we went to dinner at Panda Express where I called in to find out when they wanted me to come in. They said 8 pm and Marsh confirmed he was already on his way! We went through Haven's bedtime routine, grabbed my bags, and Marshall arrived at exactly 8 to pick me up to head to the hospital.
When we arrived, they checked us in and got my IV started (last time it took 4 tries and an IV team, this time one stick and we were off! A good sign!) My nurse, Melody, did the first cervical check and I was dilated to "about a 2, maybe could stretch to a 3" which was only about a cm different from the visit from a week before. I was started on cytotec to thin my cervix, felt some crampy contractions for about 3 hours and was contracting frequently enough that they didn't check me until 1:30 am, I was at a 4 & 50%. This meant they could move on to Pitocin and the heavy contractions started almost immediately. I had hard labor for the next two hours. My contractions were heavily in my back and hips and the only comfort I had was when Marshall would apply counter pressure and help me breathe through the contractions. By 3:30 am they were set to up my Pitocin so I ordered my epidural. Last time, the epidural was a breeze because of the IV meds, but this time getting the epidural placed was easily the worst 45 minutes of the whole experience. The contractions were so intense that leaning forward for the right position was impossible, the placement of the injections sent shocks down my back and the Anesthesiologist had to re-attempt a couple times. I'm pretty sure I broke Marshall's hand with how hard I was squeezing it and my poor nurse just kept giving me tissues as I sobbed into my pillow. But! It finally took and the warm sensation of relief overcame my lower half. I was checked and at a 4.5 cm and 50%, but the nurse said now that I wasn't fighting contractions by tensing up I should progress better. I closed my eyes and got rest for about an hour. I woke up a little before 5 am and spent the next hour violently throwing up (sadly, this happened with Haven too but at least this time I made it into the emesis bag). The only scary part was that I was laying down and administered more epidural from the button they give you and it started to travel towards my chest so I felt like I couldn't breathe and almost immediately started throwing up-that combination was terrifying as Marshall was trying to raise the back of my bed upright so I could get gravity to help relieve some of the upward epidural movement. After that scare I didn't get much more rest. At 6:30 am the resident arrived and ruptured my water, then checked me and I was only a 5. I settled into realizing this was going to be a long day. About 1.5 hours later, I started feeling pressure and administered some more epidural, but that didn't relieve the pressure. My new nurse, Connie, came in about 8 and said she was planning on checking me at 8:30, but thought we should go ahead and check right then. To both our surprise she said "well girl, you're at a 9.5, we are gonna have this baby within an hour"! I was shocked! Marsh sat up and asked what we should do, I said to call his mom and have her take over with Haven so my mom could get to the hospital. The nurse then informed us that my doctor was in surgery at a surgical center up the road so if I wanted him here to hold off on pushing as long as I could. Within about 20 minutes my mom was at the hospital and we shared with her that we wanted her to be in the room for his delivery and she was so happy and so honored. By that time the room was set up for delivery, the resident and nurse were gowned and the doctor was out of surgery and on his way! As soon as he walked in at 9:15 am, he slid on his shoe covers, pulled on a gown and gloves and said "let's do this!"
With Haven I had pushed for 2.5 hours so when the nurse said "okay, lets try some practice pushes" I knew the importance of really focusing on where and how to push. I made a very conscious effort to push right and waited for her feedback after the contraction to reset and try again. Instead, she said "great, I will grab the mirror so you can see him!" (The mirror was part of the birth plan I had given the first nurse-I HIGHLY recommend it to moms as part of the delivery process-I think it is so cool). I just looked at Marsh in shock that we were that close-we both couldn't believe how much had happened in a half hour! Sure enough the next contraction we watched Logan's head begin to crown. By the third contraction the doctor told me to push and hold the push without a breath as long as I could. Within moments, at 9:24 am, his head and body were out and this warm little boy was placed on my chest.
I just laughed and kept repeating "What? He's really here? He is already out? That was so easy!" and kissed his head. I remember the slippery vernix smelling so good to me and his body being so warm on me. I still feel like I was in shock that it all happened so fast and I felt so good! The doctors and nurses were just laughing "well that's not what we usually hear!" as I laughed.
After Marsh cut the cord, the doctors finished with the placenta and stitching (2nd degree-same line as Haven's), I just snuggled Logan and kissed him and admired how perfect he was. I immediately felt love and amazement that I was his mom. They checked him, weighed & measured him (7 lbs 7 oz, 20 1/2 in, 37 cm head) and gave him back to me. Then we all took turns admiring him.
Logan latched within 10 minutes and ate for about a half hour on each side! Again, I was amazed at how smoothly things were going with him! Shortly after, I felt ready to stand up and walk to the bathroom. My catheter was removed and I slowly stood up and successfully walked by myself to the restroom (with my recent grad PTA husband very attentively offering some concerned stand by assistance). The blood made me pretty queasy and we used a wheelchair from the bathroom over to the postpartum room.
There in the postpartum room we settled in and got vitals. My mom headed out so Lisa could come meet Logan.
When my mom came back, she brought Haven to meet her baby brother. It's hard to describe how sacred this moment felt. Watching my children reunite on this side of the veil is likely an experience I will never forget. I could see their future together, I could already feel their love for each other, and in an instant I knew my love for Haven hadn't changed, hadn't diminished or been split at all, my heart was full as I took in the sight of our family of four. The kids exchanged gifts which made for a fun transition for Haven to admire her brother and then have a toy to play with in the hospital room.
We had lots more visitors before discharge the next morning and the majority of comments were about his dark hair, how much he looked like Haven, and his kissable lips!
We were discharged around noon the next day and driving away Marsh and I just couldn't believe we actually had two kids. It was the first time just the four of us were together and our car and hearts felt very full.
Sweet Logan has been calm, peaceful, and easy from the start. In these first few days he dipped to 6 lbs 14 oz, but then gained back to 7 lb, 1 oz within just a few days. He has latched and fed so well initially and through getting my milk. He has the biggest eyes and my favorite part of the day is in the evening when he is wide awake and looks around so contently. I love how soft his cheeks are and how he responds immediately to hearing my voice by calming and turning his head. I love the sweetness he has amplified in Haven. I love the tenderness and pride in his daddy's eyes when he looks at him. I really wondered how I would make room in my heart for another little one, but there is no doubt in my mind: I love this little boy & he is the perfect addition to our family.
